How to pose like a fashion blogger.

in order to be different one must always be different

The above phrase is quoted in the Twitter bios of (approximately) a million fashion bloggers. I’ve seen the words so many times that they’ve practically lost all meaning, but they still cause me to roll my eyes as much as when teenage boys think that liking Fight Club makes them underground or that going on 4chan that one time means that they’re a member of Anonymous.

In itself, the sentiment is admirable – pushing the boundaries and being true to one’s values is the best way to live. EXCEPT that there is a subset of mediocre fashion bloggers out there who post such similar content, right down to the typos, that I actually get them confused in my head (no, I’m not going to name names – I’m not a total bitch). It doesn’t help that a ton of blogs use the same WordPress themes, rip content from the same press releases and review the same ‘Glossybox haul’ (can we abolish this phrase from existence yet?) every month.

A friend recently asked me for advice on starting a blog, and as well as warning them about all of the above stuff I joked about all the acceptable ways for them to take pictures of themselves. They told me I was being pretty funny, and that was all the encouragement I needed to spend a Sunday morning taking stupid photos of myself and writing this post. So, I present to you – the beginner’s guide to posing like a fashion blogger.

The Flamingo

Have you ever tried standing like this? It’s really fucking hard. I can barely fathom how girls can stand like this in heels. Seriously. This is my first attempt at the pose -

If it’s that important to get your shoes in the outfit then, for the love of God, just move the camera further back before you break an ankle. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.

The Monroe

Can anyone explain to me why girls do this with dresses when they’re taking photos of themselves? It just reminds me of that Subway Diet dude. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.

The Best Foot Forward

What I love about this pose is that is the implicit attempt to trick people into believing that you’re walking somewhere. ’What? You want to get a photo of me?’ it seems to scream. ‘Well, ok, but make it quick; I’m on my way to the Christian Lacroix A/W 12 preview. Oh, you mean you weren’t invited? Awkward. Toodles!’ Of course, in reality, you’re dicking around with the self timer on your DSLR and taking fifty photos of yourself before you pick the best one to put online. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.

The Tilt

I can never decide what’s happening in photos when people pose like this. Maybe their heads have become too heavy for their necks to hold up? Unlikely, given that their heads are full of fluff. (Oh, snap.) Are they trying to do an impression of that antique teapot they just got from Camden Market? Tea is in this season, after all. Actually, given that granny cardigans and knitting are also in, maybe this pose is an attempt to adopt the posture of a 90 year old woman. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.

The Laugh

I had to do this one solo, but it works better with friends (I don’t have any of them). It’s really easy though – just try to look as if you’re having the best fucking time ever. Like someone just gave you a sandcastle made of cocaine. It also works if you pretend you’ve just heard someone say something MEGA funny – ‘Wait, you mean she actually told you she’s a size EIGHT?!’

The Agony

Life’s tough for the middle classes sometimes – I couldn’t find a Waitrose yesterday and had to go to Tesco. Jai’me Jan just got gifted a better pair of shoes than me. It’s been raining all week so I can’t wear anything suede. Take all this angst and pour it into this pose. But you have to commit to it, or you’ll just look like you’re wondering if you’ve left the oven on.

Ok, I can take my tongue out of my cheek now. I know loads of people who pose like this in all their photos, and I still love them dearly. Please don’t shun me, guys. I’m merely trying to highlight the irony that we sit around laughing at Myspace photos, duck pouts and regrettable frosted tips while we do the same thing all over again. Humans – we’re a funny little species, aren’t we?

EDIT: HTPLAFB (acronyms, innit) now has a Part II. You can check it out here. If you want to, that is. http://notsolonelylondoners.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/how-to-pose-like-a-fashion-blogger-part-2/



175 comments

  1. Hannah WTMF

    I tried the ‘flamingo’ pose, true standing on your leg whilst one waits for the self-timer (then realizing you never pressed it, running back and repeat) so I went for the I’m crossing-my-legs-standing-up-but-look-at-my-shoes look. Safe to say, I’ve never done either of these poses spontaneously.

    You also forgot the ‘I’m walking down the catwalk look with arms on hips’ and the ‘twiddling hair’ poses!

    ~Hannah xx

  2. Belle du Brighton/Lauren

    actual laughing audibly. sandcastle of cocaine, looks best in front of a brick wall or gatepost.
    I am DEFINITELY linking to this in my next random linky type post, if that’s okay?

  3. Shortiee31

    “Actually, given that granny cardigans and knitting are also in, maybe this pose is an attempt to adopt the posture of a 90 year old woman.”
    LOL at this!

    • Stu Bradley

      THIS. I’ve come to hate that quote too – I’m not sure when advertising that you’re selfish, impatient and out of control but expect everyone else to be totally fine with that became a chill thing to do…x

  4. @pleasedonteatjo

    Brilliant, brilliant. However, slightly disappointed by the lack of pigeon toe posing in this post. You know, feet turned inwards, hands on hips, gazing nonchalantly down at the ground. Grazia has a lot to answer for.

  5. Rhi

    This had me spitting out my tea (it’s so in) all over my desk at work! Hilarious and painfully true- my blog is full of such poses!!

  6. Miranda

    oh my! this was a great way to de-stress…
    I must say I am guilty of 1 or 2. But you sure rocked the living daylights out of those poses! hahaha
    thanks for making us laugh! let me know if you are available for posing wkshops lol

  7. caroline

    a great post to read on a very well earned lunch break.. made me smile and giggle to myself, even after re reading a few times..
    great tongue in cheek post and great to see fellow bloggers taking it as intended..
    really makes you think though.. cant say iv done the flamingo.. but probs guilty of the others at some point.lol
    back to the posing drawing board we go.. :D

  8. Rollercoaster Mum

    v funny! I never read fashion blogs as I am middle aged, middle class and live in middle England so have given up on fashion but I can just imagine that people really do this – maybe I should start looking at them for a laugh!

  9. Bex

    Please do more of these! I also like the ‘I had no idea someone was taking a photo of me’ pose, and the ‘suck in til you nearly collapse’ pose

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  11. Lauren

    Well done. You just cracked me up pretty hard!
    Now excuse me while I to go back to my blog to see how many of these poses I’m guilty of… the shame!

    Really though, you’re damn funny
    xL

  12. Guest

    What about the picture of just the legs, with the shoes angled inward (like you’re duck-footed or something). I swear I see that one 20-30x a day!

  13. ajc

    very funny i feel like i am surrounded by these people. I used to think stylists were the bottom of the totem pole of fashion. Now it is bloggers.( all the people with no talent but are just fabulous as they too could be designers, if they knew how to draw and how garments are made….where did they get the qualifications for such opinion?)
    Oh and someone really needs to ban the phrase ‘trending now’
    who the hell thought that up? someone who wants to make you feel like you’ve missed out on something if you do not immediately look into it. They even use it on the news.

  14. BCheapBG

    Very good !! Im actually a fashion blogger but I can confirm that all that you say is true !! Feel free to come analyse my poses !!! But I recognize a lot of my fellow FB in this post !
    My favorite embarassed pose is the arm behind the back. Classic, or the lift the feet like Monroe as well ! ahah

  15. CuriousEmily

    You forgot the ‘pigeon toe’!

    And tea is like, so totally in. I might go so far as to say I have a…penchant for tea? Yes, a penchant for tea. Nobody else has one. Just me. With that word: penchant. Nobody else uses it, it’s my word. ‘Cause I’m, like, a serious writer.

  16. Pingback: How to pose like a fashion blogger, part deux. « Not So Lonely Londoners.
  17. Wearing The High Street

    I’m new to this ‘fashion’ blogging thing. I’m not fashionable at all, I’m the wrong side of 30 and the wrong side of size 12. Maybe all these tip tried together would make me young and slim? Worth a shot right?

  18. Sara

    This is frickin hilarious. It’s slightly sad that it’s so true; nonetheless, frickin hilarious.

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  29. pitgat

    Love love love the post, I’m laughing! Well, I try not to pose like the examples you just showed, but it’s true that many do so… and some I really think, week after week (till the point I don’t read them anymore) that they ALWAYS pose this way, the flamingo and Agony, especially. Ridic – but I respect their ways, of course!
    Great post!
    P.S. – My wordpress picture is NOT the Agony. It was an attempt to be sexy! :)

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  31. Katie

    Hey, thanks for the tips! I’ve yet to try the flamingo or the agony, but now considering adding to my repertoire. My personal fave is smiling while staring at the ground. Look at my eyes. No, don’t look at my eyes. It’s so flirty. ;)

    Hilarious post. Thanks for the laugh today.

  32. Roz

    I rarely find posts that actually make me laugh – but this did. Very well observed, I must say. ‘The Pigeon’ in the post above is especially funny.
    By the way, I found your blog through Oxfam (I wrote the piece on the links between fashion and literature), and I thought that your post on freelance writing was very useful – particularly as its something that I’m aiming to work on over the summer. The bit about getting the Vice connection at seventeen struck a chord, as the calling card on my CV at the moment is having Vogue behind my name (won the Vogue Talent contest last year at 16). I’m going to follow some of the tips you suggested.

    • Stu Bradley

      Hey Roz,
      Thanks for the comment :) Yeah, I’m bummed I didn’t get to contribute to that post! I was just so busy last week, bah.

      That’s awesome re: the Vogue thing! If you can keep up with blogging and writing some other (whether free or not) stuff in the meantime, I’m sure you’ll make a name for yourself quickly. Plus I bet the Oxfam stuff will help!

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  34. burntorangehorn

    You mean the girls who are deluded and vain enough to spend hours recycling fashion info happen to also pose the very same ways? Knock me over with a feather–preferably one that’s been vetted in Milan.

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  40. Tonia

    I’m laughing so hard *I’m crying* I guess it why I don’t read a lot of fashion blog I get bored see the same exact poses you gave examples of.

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  49. lauren

    I just have to say, this is literally THE most amazing thing ever. So spot on. nice job :D

  50. Dawniepants

    All of this made me laugh as I see it all the time. For any future posts also see the ‘eat your peas’ which is face front hands squarely on hips looking somewhat stern. Also my other favourite daddy long legs where you stand side ways balancing on one leg as if on a narrow post in fear of falling when you are in fact on your living room carpet.

    Xxx

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  52. Punky

    These are are incredible. However, you forgot the “I’m staring down at my feet for no fucking reason” pose. That one kills me.

  53. TR

    I’m a fashion blogger and I’m guilty of the ‘one foot ahead of the other’ pose!
    I must say, you’re funny! I quite enjoyed this post

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  57. Sarah

    I read this (and part deux) back in May when you posted it but I had to revisit! Both brilliant and very funny! I hope there’s going to be a part trois! Everytime I take photos for my blog, I have to make sure I’m not doing any of these poses! (It’s haunting me, Stu!) And everytime I read an outfit post, I always pick up on of the poses I recognise from this post. “Oh, look! she’s doing the Flamingo! Why is she doing The Flamingo? WHY?!?!?”

  58. Victoria

    I’ve just come across your blog and i’ve spent my entire lunchtime at work reading it, you’re hilarious! A lot of bloggers take themselves way too seriously, and to be honest there have probably been times where i’ve done that myself. So it’s refreshing to see you do a post like this (and the Instagram one too which oh my god i do – cringe!). So thank you for being honest and for making me laugh. I’m certainly sticking around! :) xo

    • stu

      Thanks! Really appreciate the kind words. If it helps, I’m a fan of your blog, so you can’t be going too far wrong ;D haha x

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  61. Grey

    I am writing to inform you that I will be stealing the line “sandcastle made of cocaine”.

    Thank you.

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  66. Sabina

    Hey–just discovered you through IFB. This post is hilarious. I don’t know that it will succeed into shaming the guilty parties into losing the cliche poses, but it’s great public service, nonetheless.

    Now following you through Bloglovin’.

  67. Reem

    It’s funny because I blog about fashion and I’m a guy. I try not to get all “posey” but I do sometimes. This blog post of yours had me rolling because most of it’s true on everyone who takes photos of themselves.

  68. allie

    you forgot to do one very important one…standing with one hand on hip, legs crossed. oh yeah, it’s up there.

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  73. Susanne

    Brilliant!

    Ironically I found this site because I was trying to find ways to pose for my own blog (haven’t done a clothing post yet). You have made me think twice! One less agony pose for the blogosphere!

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