How to pose like a fashion blogger, part deux.

So. Safe to say the last post I did about how to be a fashion blogger made its way around the internet a little bit. A couple of people have actually referred to me as ‘that dude who did that blog post’ when I’ve been out and about. I figured I’d strike while the iron’s hot and do a follow-up – let’s hope it’s more Empire Strikes Back than Gremlins 2. Maybe if I do ok people will actually learn my name…or at least refer to me as ‘that dude who did those two blog posts’. Let’s go.

The Artiste

Yeah, no, I get what you’re trying to do. You spent a lot of money on that English Lit degree and you don’t get many chances to quote Ayn Rand in everyday conversation, but I’m not sure it really fits here. Did you take this on an analogue camera? No? You added that light leak later on, I see. Mmhmm, well, yes it does look ‘kinda cool and stuff’ but it means I can’t really…see the clothes.

The Marionette

This is totally a comment on postmodern society. By imitating the posture of a puppet, I’m attacking your bourgeois sensibility and the extent to which the mainstream fashion media dictates not just what people wear but also how they self identify.

No, actually, I’m just really gormless.

The Sparks

The name behind this probably needs a little explaining. It’s something every Nicholas Sparks heroine does at some point in the movie adaptation. Seriously, just imagine the advert – Breakeven by The Script plays while our heroine, let’s call her Betsy, is sitting on the bleachers writing in her notebook. She looks up and catches the eye of Zefron, who’s about to go to war or get amnesia or some stupid thing. Cue a bunch of shots of them getting really sweaty and making out in a beach shack before cutting to Betsy’s dad yelling at Zefron. He really fucking hates Zefron for no apparent reason. Then just before everything fades to black, Betsy’s spinning around in the rain, giggling and saying something inane like ‘the rain always reminds me to feel!’ Meanwhile, we’re all like ‘yeah, but seriously, why does your dad hate Zefron so much?’

The Rush Hour

There are two of me. I don’t know why. I genuinely wish I did.

The Pigeon

By popular demand. Seriously, this has to stop. Trying to point your toes inwards like this while maintaining the illusion of ‘dat gap’ is going to give people serious health problems. But maybe that’s fine – judging from this picture, rickets is bang on trend. I once read something that talked said if you love someone you naturally point your feet towards them. If you want to read something into the fact that some fashion bloggers’ feet seem to be constantly pointing at themselves, then I won’t stop you.

The Gamer

GUYS, LOOK, I’M A GIRL AND I PLAY VIDEO GAMES. YEAH, I GAME. NO BIG DEAL. I ALSO GO ON REDDIT AND EAT STEAK. I REMEMBER PLAYING THE ORIGINAL DONKEY KONG IN ARCADES!

Kinda falls apart when you realise that the controller isn’t switched on, and when Donkey Kong was released they were two years old.

36 comments

  1. Kavya R

    Great post, again! My personal favourite is the pigeon. =)

    PS – You could DEFINITELY ghost-write for Nicholas Sparks!

  2. Andrew

    When I was a child model, the “Marionette” pose was one of my most popular poses. It’s nice to see that my livelihood is all one big joke.

  3. ameliaflorencesimmons

    Loved both of these. I never take outfit shots – mostly because I’m terrified of the lovely people of the Internet – but because I read too many fashion blogs, this has spilled into my ‘real’ life. So when friends want to have a photo, I’ll start scrunching up my shoulders, tilting my head to one side, and pointing in my toes, like the Fosse interpretation of the Hunchback Of Notre Dame. Cue the following from friends: “Amelia! What are you doing?? What happened?! Are you hurt???” etc. Sigh.

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  7. Lorena

    The artiste…. hahahhah i cracked up at work – you are going to get me fired.

  8. lvs (@_stylings)

    I’m always impressed by the programming genius it must take to get one’s XBOX controller to work with PhotoBooth, thought I’m pretty sure that would be the most boring game ever. “Wait, did my character just die? But I didn’t get the shot! Do it again!”

    You’re awesome, btw.

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  11. Hannah WTMF

    I think I’m going to cry with laughter… Keep it up. :’)

    This is spot on. Although I’ve never seen the ‘gaming’ pose but I don’t think I really want too.

    ~Hannah xx

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  15. Jayne

    I subscribed to your blog on the merit of part one – “rickets is bang on trend” has confirmed that I was correct to do so.

  16. Kinu

    “…and when Donkey Kong was released they were two years old.”

    For a second, I felt a smidge cool for being non-young … and then it hit me: I was negative one years old when Donkey Kong was released.

    #agefail

    Guess I’ll go practice the pigeon-toed look so I can get it right when I start doing pointless OOTD photos. ;)

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