I was recently invited to a black tie event for work and, when I realised that I’m much too old for a crumpled M&S suit and black Converse to look cute, it quickly became apparent that I had nothing to wear. And not in that ‘omg I have NOTHING to wear’, wardrobe tossed all over the bed kinda way, more like the ‘Christ, do I only have one pair of formal shoes in London?!’ kinda way. ‘How can you not have ANY formal clothes? I thought you were supposed to be a fashion blogger?’ asked a colleague. ‘You’re not helping,’ I seethed.
So, I did what any thrifty blogger (read: cheap bastard) would do; I turned to Twitter and put out a tweet that read ‘HELP ME PRs, OR ELSE I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO THIS EVENT NAKED.’ Or something like that. Sure enough, the beautiful people at Hackett were kind enough (not to mentioned, ‘socially aware’ enough and all that) to hook me up with a loaner for the night. To complete the ensemble I liberally spritzed myself with the 007 fragrance, which Talk PR kindly sent me ages ago! But I still felt more like Kermit the Frog than 007. James Pond, as it were.
I’ve long suspected that it was actually a woman who invented the tuxedo to ensure that, by making every man look the same, they’re constantly the centre of attention. Wikipedia, however, assures me it was one of the dudes above – Pierre Lorillard IV or Edward VII.
Still, it’s a good job that someone came up with the tuxedo. Brosnan doesn’t quite make the same impression without it. As tuxes go, it was clear that I’d gotten my hands on a good one. Despite being ‘sample size’ (when I first read that I was a bit worried I was going to have to become anorexic to fit into a size zero tux) and straight off the rack, it fit very nicely. In fact, it was almost…dare I say it? Comfortable. The fabric was very breathable and, as the rest of room started getting visibly sweaty, I stayed cool and collected. Which is arguably even more important than looking good when you’re in a room packed to the brim with excitable (read: drunk) accounting software executives.
If you’re interested, my company won the award we were up for (yay!), and I managed to hook up with this totally hot girl named Cindy. But she wouldn’t stop going on about her ex, “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charming”. Weird.